Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bob.
Bob who?
Bob proceeds to break into tears because his mother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer recognizes her own children.
You can use chemicals to remove polish and no one cares, but if you use chemicals to remove the Polish you're literally Hitler.
What's the difference between Cleopatra and the moon?
The moon is rocky and has craters and Cleopatra is dead.
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
One goes "whack, damn" and the other goes "damn, whack".
These ones might be a little... unpleasant to some. So I'm gonna cover them up. Don't read them if you're easily offended or like. Less than 13 years old.
What's the difference between watermelon and a baby?
One explodes when you shoot it and the other is delicious.
How many babies fit in a bathtub?
Seventeen and a half.
What's worse than ten babies stapled to a tree?
One baby stapled to ten trees.
I went camping with my girlfriend. It was fucking intense.
"You want to believe that there’s one relationship in life that’s beyond betrayal. A relationship that’s beyond that kind of hurt. And there isn’t."
-Caleb Carr